Learning to Share

Learning to Share

Learning to share is a major social milestone in the early years of development.  Kids often learn to share through exposure to play experience during which generosity is modeled by adults and when sharing is made fun!  In our experience with our toddler and preschool children at our non-profit, The Treehouse, it is also necessary to provide positive reinforcement when good sharing is practiced and help kids learn problem solving strategies for them when things aren’t necessarily going their way.

If you’re wondering how to teach a toddler to share, you may want to hold off for a little while. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), children under the age of three are unable to comprehend the concept of sharing. Child development specialists say that learning to share typically happens between the ages of 3.5 and 4. However, some children may begin to understand sharing and turn-taking by age three.

Sharing for kids can be a big challenge and it can help to introduce the concept through play. Here are some tips for teaching children to share.

Helping Kids Who are Learning to Share

1 ||  Make Sharing Fun!
Sharing can be an enjoyable activity especially when paired with a super fun toy or task.  We would strongly suggest not using a new or favorite toy for an introduction to sharing; however, items that are frequently enjoyed during play time are ideal.  For instance, have kids practice taking turns stacking colorful blocks to build a tower or racing cars down a ramp.  While not necessarily physically sharing one item, they are sharing the same time and space and learning that playing with a friend is so much more fun than playing alone! 

2 ||  Use a Timer
Sometimes it is just plain hard to give up a favorite toy!  Visual timers are a great option to provide kids with a definitive end to their time to play even if they can’t tell time! It is also useful for the child who is waiting to know when they will get that cherished opportunity back!

3 ||  Don’t Force the Issue
Sharing is a tough skill to learn and if a situation is already heated (maybe a preferred toy is sought after by more than one child or a child is particularly possessive of that one blue car), it is not the time to teach.  Try again when attention moves to a toy or activity that is new or that no one is particularly coveting.

4 ||  Point Out the Positive
Use descriptive language and strong emotion when sharing is displayed.  “I like how you let Zoe play with your toy!”  “Look how happy that made
Max when you gave him a turn!”  Pointing out the positive emotions that sharing evokes is relatable to even the youngest kids! Everyone can appreciate a smile! 

5 || Model Sharing
Kids learn best by watching others! Show kids how you can kindly ask for a turn during their play activity and then how you can wait patiently for that turn. 

Do you need some suggestions for toys and games that help kids learn to take turns and play with peers?  We have you covered with our top 10 sharing toys below.

Sharing Toys for Kids

Melissa and Doug Shape Sorter ||  This ever-popular shape and color activity is sure to engage children. Each shape is designed to fit through a matching hole on the wooden cube and kids can take turns or each take a specific shape to place in the box.

Greedy Oliver ||  A book about sharing, feelings and empathy!  A great read for the child that needs a bit of a social story to help with this skill building.

Leap Frog Picnic Basket || This toy has15 brightly colored play pieces including plates, forks, cups, food and a tablecloth, perfect for a pretend picnic for two (or more)! 

Gizmo Busy Board ||  We love this toy for helping kids learn through play. Zippers, shoelaces, buttons, belt buckles, alphabet, clock learning and finger counting are all designed for basic skills learning and provide ample opportunities for turn-taking and sharing.

Puzzles || Kids can take turns placing pieces to complete the final product and elicit a huge response from you!  Give each child a certain number of pieces if choosing their own from a big pile is just too hard right now.

Marble Run || Cause and effect toys are awesome for turn-taking, self-regulation and sharing!  This one is great for all ages!

Wooden Car Ramp || Wait for your turn and see how fast your car can go down this ramp! Also, be sure to share your favorite color with a friend!  Plenty of opportunity for practice with this toy! 

Balance Beam || There is only one way to cross this cute, wooden beam so you have to take turns! Waiting can be hard but the reward is worth it! 

Playdough Tools ||  You would be surprised how often we encourage sharing during our playdough activities at the Treehouse.  It seems as everyone wants that pair of scissors at exactly the same time. Good news is that there are plenty of options to try while you wait for your turn! 

Stomp Rocket ||  This toy is perfect for that 3, 2, 1 blast-off countdown and kids LOVE to chase the rocket after it is launched.  When they retrieve it, they can pass it to a friend so that they can have their turn! 

AND A BONUS: 
Our Favorite Visual Timer ||  Perfect for those times when kids need just a little extra help to share. We love how this timer has the traffic light colors for stop, slow and go which makes the time go just a bit faster for kids! 

Related Resources

Looking for more ideas to work on patience, waiting, and self-regulation? We’ve got you covered!

The Best Emotional Regulation Books for Kids

Self-Regulation Games and Activities

Teaching Kids Patience: 10 Ways to Support Kids During Wait Times

10 Tips for Waiting and Walking in Line at School